


Through the Curtain of the Void

by lunaseemoony



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Romance, Swearing, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:52:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4701680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaseemoony/pseuds/lunaseemoony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Bad Wolf entity threatens to collapse two universes when she not only crosses through the Void but separates the Doctor from his TARDIS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for the [Readers' Choice Special](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/124696324075/ive-said-it-before-and-ill-say-it-again-my). Reader selections can be found [here](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/126256752265/readers-choice-selections).
> 
> More than likely this fic will be 5 chapters or less. I've got it all plotted out, but I'm still uncertain about flow. 
> 
> I’d like to thank everyone who entered, and the ten who made their excellent selections!

 

The Doctor was yanked out of sleep by a stabbing ache threatening to tear his skull asunder. He fell out of bed onto his knees and held in his stomach. It wasn't enough to keep its contents in place. He rushed to the ensuite, bumping his already throbbing head as his belly lurched. His stomach cramped up and his throat burned by the time he flopped over onto his back, staring up at the soft amber domed ceiling. There was a light aura framing the roundels, at least the ones he could see clearly. A migraine. A migraine the likes of which he hadn't felt in centuries. At first he suppressed the thought of why now, because at least he was feeling _something_.

He did eventually surrender to the pain and dragged himself to the infirmary. He took at least one too many of the little green painkillers made for his species. But they helped him crash onto the gurney to seek out a few more hours of sleep that he didn't need. He'd never slept so much in his life as he did in the past few years. Yes, it did help. Maybe the TARDIS didn't agree with this assessment. And for a minute or two, the Doctor considered the notion that it was her giving him a migraine just to get him onto his feet so they could go somewhere. She got anxious after a while, probably on his behalf. She did yearn to warm her engines, sure. But she was just fine sitting for a while, whether she liked it or not.

He was only allowed a few minutes of rest before the pain began to rip through the insides of his skull again. The Doctor glared at the bottle of painkillers on a nearby counter, both cursing it and wondering if he'd grabbed the wrong one. But no, it was exactly the one he needed. It had simply donenothing. He dug his fingers into his scalp and held his head in place as he slumped over to lie back down. His stomach began to churn and grind at his insides, despite his silent reminder that it already divested itself of its contents.

Was this punishment for hiding away in the TARDIS when he should be out saving the universe? That's what they would all want, of course. Donna would reprimand him so severely for how he'd been acting lately. And he'd tried to go on like normal, really. Even considered letting someone come along. But it was an astronomically bad idea, because in the end he'd been right. People he got too close to – in one way or another – left him. In the end they all disappeared, faded away, he left them behind. Alright fine. It was his own fault. _He_ left them. He had a choice. Damn the laws of the universe and his yearning to protect it. Not that it ever did anything for him. Donna selflessly saved it, and look what it did for her. In one area he'd had a choice. He walked away from it, to give _him_ a chance. It was what they deserved. He wanted that life for them, and there it was, a golden opportunity. He'd wanted to keep her so much more, but it wasn't right. He'd thought it more than appropriate to feel sorry for himself after this. But something disagreed with the notion that day. He was convinced.

Proof came in the form of his trousers pocket burning his leg. He braved a hand and hissed as he fished out his leather folio containing his psychic paper. What sort of distress call could be so urgent that it should nearly burn right through his trousers? He flipped it open to a set of coordinates. Nothing out of the ordinary, except the coordinates themselves. He hadn't been there personally. But he knew of it. He ought to, having seen to it that it was put back in its rightful place. The moon of Poosh, once lost.

He would have been excited. A mystery might have been just what he needed. But as he put in the coordinates and got the TARDIS into gear he felt a sense of foreboding shake his hands and chill his spine. The TARDIS was all too eager to cooperate, even flew straight and quietly. It was too smooth, even if she was being considerate for his migraine (which she usually wouldn't have been, not for him at least). She landed with a dull thud instead of her usual crash. The Doctor fell back to the foam-padded railing and clutched his head. His migraine had softened, but something pricked at the back of his mind, as if someone was attempting to get past his mental block. He paused before opening the doors to the TARDIS. He hadn't allowed himself to think it yet, but the gooseflesh chilling his arms and the little hairs on the back of his neck prickling, he considered the notion that something was gravely wrong. It didn't stop him from opening the doors.

Poosh had a thin atmosphere, but it was enough for humans to breathe under. So naturally a small colony had been built on it. It was home to a little mining operation and the city surrounding it, but the rest of Poosh's surface was pretty much barren. The thin air was doing nothing to ease his migraine, which throbbed viciously in his skull the more he fought the niggling sensation in the back of his head that something was wanting to push past his barrier. Something very bold, and persistent. He'd landed the TARDIS on the outskirts of the city in a dark, abandoned alleyway. The Doctor shoved his hands into his trousers pockets and pressed on into the city proper. A walk might help alleviate his headache anyway, he thought while taking a deep breath. Fresh air might have been better, instead of the stale, cold dust that permeated the surface of Poosh. As he walked down a broken down street he wondered if Poosh had been more alluring when it was lost.

He hadn't gone more than a quarter mile down the street when he felt his barrier being pushed at again. The Doctor stopped and fell back into a steel wall, wincing as he fought to keep it up. His stomach began turning and his eyes ached in their sockets. He squeezed them shut just for a little bit of relief. Not more than a few breaths later his pocket began burning against his thigh. He fished out his psychic paper again. The coordinates faded away in favor of a message, "Please don't fight me." Even as he read it, the message looked familiar, written in a soft, curly handwriting that he could picture in his most recent memories. Of course he knew whose handwriting it was. It was just impossible, is all. Either that, or somebody was playing a cruel trick on him. He opted for the latter as being most likely of course. It might have been more heartbreaking, but it was safer given the parameters necessary for _her_ handwriting to appear on his psychic paper.

"Where are you?" the Doctor thought aloud.

Normally this is where he'd fight harder. But maybe if he faced this wretched creature – whatever it was – head on, he could rid himself of it quicker. He smiled a sigh and deposited his leather folio back in his trousers. Today felt like a good day for being completely reckless. He didn't outright let down his barriers. He wasn't _that_ reckless. But he didn't fight back. The Doctor closed his eyes and relaxed his lips for deep breaths that quaked in his chest. Just a hint of warmth trickled in, dripping at the back of his neck. It ran up his scalp, pushing his head into a roll, and a shiver whipped down his back. His cheeks felt just a riper, and his head's aching calmed down to an angry throbbing while his stomach settled its somersaulting just a little. He felt his shoulders sink, like something was pulling them down. But it felt good, it felt _right_ , such a familiar sensation. It was one he hadn't felt in a while, one he may as well have cruelly robbed himself of. At least, if it was meant to feel this way, that's what the sensation reminded him of. But a crucial piece was missing.

A whisper came floating past his ear (at least he felt this way, he could've imagined it) like a tumbleweed in the wind. "I'm close, I think. I'm scared."

He was certain it was a projection because he looked around and saw nobody. At least nobody close enough. That and the voice he heard was too warm, too familiar, too _right_. It brought warmth washing over him from his ears down to his neck, and pooled in his chest, sending his hearts racing. Reminding himself that it was likely a cruel trick did nothing to still his eager hearts. They beat for _her_ still. They were ignorant to his reasoning. Despite the impossible, they still yearned for her, to hear her voice, bathe in her warmth, and bask in her radiant smile. Every breath henceforth trembled like a newborn pup's. He wanted so badly to see her, but the universe needed for it to not be her too much.

"Where are you?" he repeated, and kept walking.

"Doctor..." the voice replied in a whimper, and the warmth he'd felt burned in his chest like a warm fire in the cold winter.

Nobody spoke his name so softly, like a drop of honey in a warm cup of tea. Nobody but one person. And this time he was certain he'd _heard_ it. It was the voice that then brought tears searing his cheeks.

"I'm here. Where are you?" he croaked, rubbing his face.

"Doctor..."

She felt like a little flame lighting up his darkness. And he reached out for her. He ran through street after street, calling out her name, leaving a trail of tears in his wake. But she wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere. The warmth faded, and a chill washed over his skin, bringing with it a new bristling carpet of gooseflesh. Just that little tease was enough to bring him to his knees. For a moment he'd been so sure. But she was nowhere. He wanted to ask what happened. But he knew. Of course he knew. She couldn't be here. It wasn't possible. He swallowed his grief like a rock in his gullet as he looked up at the cloudy night sky. Was he so far gone that he imagined it all? A fever dream?

"I'm lost, help me Doctor."

His sigh of relief came out as a choked sob. "I'm here! Follow me!"

It was dangerous, reckless. And he could reprimand himself later. But he was crippled by such a delirious need that he gave in to it all. He brought down his barriers and relinquished himself to this force that was reaching out to him. He closed his eyes again and chewed his lip. It all came flooding back to him at once, a warm tidal wave melting his icy barrier on the cold winter's night. This time he was certain. So fucking certain. There was no mistaking that dizzying throbbing in his chest that he felt only when she was near.

"Rose."

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bad Wolf entity threatens to collapse two universes when she not only crosses through the Void but separates the Doctor from his TARDIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is for the [Readers' Choice Special](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/124696324075/ive-said-it-before-and-ill-say-it-again-my). Reader selections can be found [here](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/126256752265/readers-choice-selections).
> 
> More than likely this fic will be 5 chapters or less. I've got it all plotted out, but I'm still uncertain about flow. 
> 
> I’d like to thank everyone who entered, and the ten who made their excellent selections!
> 
> *** There is more angst in this chapter. And this one is slightly NSFW.

  


They left the bedroom window open for one another when they were apart. It was Rose's idea, of course. No matter where they were in the world, her window would always remain open to him, and his to her. It never closed, not until they were together and safe. Of course it was foolish in the winter, particularly if it snowed. The Doctor urged Rose to close the window if it the weather wasn't for it. But she'd hear none of it. He thought she was being foolhardy until one night, on a clear night, he looked up at the starry sky and swore his other half was looking at that same bit of sky on the other side. He could never explain those little moments to Rose. He just knew. He felt his eyes on him for a moment, a brief moment. It crept up the nape of his neck and made its hairs stand on end. Rose returned home from a Torchwood assignment with a cast on her leg that night. Only then did the Doctor understand. It became a necessary comfort, having that window open. Sometimes snow and rain came in. Those nights they left the window open only a crack. But it was still open as long as one half of them was still on the other side.

They lived in a cottage next to a farm outside the city where Rose wouldn't be hounded by the paparazzi and journalists. The Doctor admittedly hated the peace and quiet at first. He certainly didn't appreciate perfume of eu du sheep that hovered around the house. But the first few months in the Tyler mansion upon his arrival was a good reminder to be tolerant. Rose didn't buy the house for him, mind. Well, that's what she told him. Every day she reminded him they weren't doing domestic, that this was just the best way for them to be together. And every day the Doctor spent at least a moment telling Rose it didn't matter. None of it mattered. He would live in a beaten down shanty as long as she shared it with him, shared a life with him.

The wind pierced the Doctor's cheeks this night. A storm front was on the horizon chasing him as he fought to get home before it would hit. He imagined Rose huddled under a heap of blankets shivering mere feet from their open window. His foot fell hard on the accelerator just at the mere thought of slipping into bed with her and being her comfort, her warmth. She promised she could make it through the day just fine, that she wouldn't change her mind about staying home despite his attempts at persuading her. A big part of her life was being shut down, and she wanted nothing to do with the event. He understood, and knew what he had to do. Just thinking about Rose sitting at home waiting set his heart on a warpath against his ribs. The one sight he yearned for, what would put his heart at ease, was that open window for him. While he finally closed another, the Doctor ached to see his window to Rose open. But as he pulled up into the car park just past midnight he saw it was closed.

Not a single light was on in the house. Usually she left the dim bedroom light on for him, just as he did for her. But it was off. A fierce chill whipped at his skin as he threw his coat off and barreled up the stairs. It had been a tense few weeks between them. Rose stressed over the cannon as one might a child. The TARDIS was his, the dimension cannon was hers. He'd disabled and dismantled it, taking apart years of her work that she'd spent trying to get back to him. Of course she understood. It was dangerous, and no longer useful. They could still put it back together. They'd done it once. But only Pete and the Doctor knew where it was being stored. The Doctor stopped at the closed bedroom door and huffed into the frame before throwing himself into the moonlit room.

The bay window cast a ghostly white light on their bed. The air in the room was thin, misty and cold. So the window had been open. But the wind knocking at it told him it might have shut itself. Still, something was off. Rose lay still in bed, not tossing and turning as she ought to be if she was asleep. He peeled back the two duvets slowly, and felt his heart fall in his chest. She was shivering not with cold but tears. Her pillow, clutched to her face, was soaked in tears.

"Rose..." the Doctor whispered.

"He's all alone, I can feel it!" Rose erupted and gasped a heavy breath.

The Doctor flew around to his side of the bed and fell in, clad in everything but the shoes he left at the front door. Rose immediately rolled over so he could tug the clammy, sniffing bundle of Rose into his arms. She gulped and heaved a sharp breath against his shoulder before he lowered his lips to her hair. The harsh wind hissed at their shut window as she sobbed into his shirt. It was every bit like their first night together, except instead of wanting to run away, Rose curled into him further. The Doctor pulled her in close, and trapped a leg between his. A few quivering breaths of the mild flowery aroma from her hair calmed him a little. Enough, at least. He'd been hit by a whiplash of foreboding going in. It still lingered between them. But Rose was safe. It was a start.

"Rose, what happened?" he asked. It must have been a rough day for her, but the Doctor still hoped that Rose didn't just start crying out of nowhere.

"I was with the coral... the baby TARDIS and I dunno, Doctor. I just... I held her in my hand and I thought about how he's got that big TARDIS to fill, the whole universe. But something felt wrong. I can't explain it."

He could barely decipher her stutters, gasps and stammers moaned into his shoulder. But so few people could bring tears to Rose's eyes. He had the unique ability to break her heart. It didn't matter that there was a universe separating them. He was still yanking at her heartstrings, haunting her sleep, holding her back.

"He'll find someone, Rose. Always has, always will. He won't be alone," the Doctor promised her, muffled into her tear-soaked tresses.

"He's really hurting though. All on his own? You had Martha, and Donna. Who's he got now? Nobody?"

"I've spent years on my own, it's okay Rose." He paused before offering her some rationalization. "The dimension cannon being gone doesn't change anything for him."

The Doctor couldn't say they'd gone months without thinking about him. Not even weeks. Not even a day. But at least previously they'd been happy thoughts, hopes and well-wishes. Recently Rose was prone to worrying about him, and all he could do was ease them away in the best way he knew how: by simply being there for her. He didn't think it was a coincidence that it all got much worse right around the same time the TARDIS coral began to move around in its tank.

They'd waited until they made significant progress with their baby TARDIS before dismantling the dimension cannon. It'd been Rose's idea to bring the growing TARDIS home so they could be closer to her. He'd talked Rose out of bringing her along when they went away. He took care of her for Rose more than he did himself. He missed his TARDIS, yes. But not as much as he'd missed Rose when the Void was between them. Now she was the one who had ambitions of leaving Earth. Each day brought with it the reminder of the Doctor's vows to Rose. Among them was the vow to follow her to the ends of the universe. Rose wanted to travel again, and not just to the furthest reaches of the Earth. She wanted to touch the stars again.

It might have all come together in a way that made a lot of sense to the Doctor. For a few years the dimension cannon dominated Rose's life, and now it was gone. Since their arrival on Bad Wolf Bay together, it's nonoperational status hadn't bothered Rose as long as she could still see it. But he'd taken that away now. She'd always been worried for his other half, that wasn't new. The baby TARDIS only served as a reminder that he was on his own, all alone on the other side. On this side, the Doctor had been given such a beautiful gift that he'd sooner bow down to a dalek than waste: a life with Rose. Ironically it wasn't the domestics that made it difficult. It was their ties to their old lives that kept creeping up on them, or him, rather. Again, it might have all made perfect sense. Except...

"How are your headaches? Nausea?" the Doctor murmured into her temple with a peck of his lips. "Have you eaten?"

She shook her head into his shoulder and wriggled so he couldn't see her face. She groaned and pressed herself into him as she coiled her arm around him tighter. If he followed this message to the letter he'd shut his gob and simply comfort her. The ring on his finger combing through her tangled hair reminded him he was supposed to do better. His other half might spoil her rotten. But this one was blessed with human sensibilities, fiery ginger sensibilities that were good for Rose.

"Rose, you've got to eat," he pleaded, pushing her head back gently so he could see her swollen pink face.

"It won't do much good right now," she argued among sniffs and croaks. "Have you ever eaten with a bleedin' headache and a sore stomach? It's not easy, Doctor."

He tucked her hair behind her ear and rolled them over so she was on her back, curling into her side. He pulled the covers over them, hiding her bare skin from the pale moonlight. "You barely ate breakfast, love. Come on, a few spoonfuls of that leftover stew? Even a cracker or two?"

"Won't stay down."

He buried his head in her shoulder and moaned a sigh. "Rose. She shouldn't be affecting you this much. She's not even that big yet. Still in her first tank. Never affected you this much while you were on the grown TARDIS. I don't understand."

The Doctor paused to let her unbutton his shirt, and shifted to allow Rose to pull it down his arms. She peeled off his t-shirt and vest top before letting him rest beside her again. She pressed her damp, hiccup-parted lips to his chest and brushed her cheek along his thin sheet of hair. He barely felt a little bit of heat there as she brought her ear up to listen to his heart. She'd listened to it so many times now, but every now and again the idea that this single heart was _hers_ forever still made her blush sometimes. He could never fault her for missing his other half, as much as it left a little pit in his stomach and a bit of fire in his veins. Sometimes she hugged him tight and sighed, as if hoping if she squeezed the stuffing out of him his skin would feel cool again. But at the end of the day it was him with the one heart, just like her, that she'd made her vows to. It was him that she pledged her love and life to.

"Have you tried putting up those barriers like we practiced the other day?" he asked while she worked at his belt.

"I can't. That hurts worse. I can't close myself off to her, Doctor. Could you?"

Rose's eyes overflowed with worry, and glistened a sickly pink. The Doctor brought his thumb to her bottom eyelids and brushed the oncoming tears away. He – well, his other half – used to have a well crafted facade made up of a respiratory bypass, advanced circulatory system, and a mind capable of multitasking well enough school his expressions. None of it was perfect. His grief still showed, he thought. He didn't need to answer this question. Rose had never come between him and his TARDIS. In fact if anything, hewas the one coming between her and his TARDIS again. Just the one time had killed him, even if it had been necessary to save her life.

"No, I couldn't."

"See? It's not her fault she's lonely. We both worry. I can't shut her out just 'cause she can't channel it at all. I've got you. What's she got? A lot of growing to do before she can do anything about it, is what she's got. She's reaching out to me."

"We have years, maybe even a lifetime, who knows, before she'll be even remotely big enough to fly, Rose. You going to do this to yourself for that long? What about our life, our forever? Do you think _he'd_ want you spending it worrying about him? That would crush him. What will you do once we can travel? The breach is closed, he's sealed off from us forever. You know that."

The words stung them both, and he knew it. But hadn't that always been the Doctor's job, to deliver the harsh reality to Rose? It was a part of him that he would rather keep buried. He hated having to say this to Rose. He wanted to be the good husband that simply lavished his wife with love and affection after their long day. Of course, he knew going in that this wouldn't be that day. He'd been blessed with responsibilities.

Rose opened her mouth and squeaked a few times before she could speak. "It's not about you and him. Promise. I love you."

She'd calmed down a little, but with these words she burst into teary frenzy. The Doctor clawed at the duvets and wrapped them in them, now hidden completely from the outside world. He brought her in close with a vice grip. He knew she wasn't the delicate lamb that was trembling in his cradled arms. She was much stronger than that. But if he had one thing on his other half, it was Rose trusting him to view and care for her when she was at her weakest. Rose gasped a hoarse breath and sobbed into the nook of his neck. Not every conversation about _him_ led to this confession from her. But a good number of them did. The Doctor could almost expect them to come hand in hand. As he soothed away her tears he dreamed of a day when their first few days together wouldn't be as fresh in Rose's mind. She harbored so much guilt about it, guilt that he wished she'd leave behind so they could move on.

"Shh, I know," he spoke into her hair. "I know. I love you too."

"I'm sorry," she blubbered in the dark with a wet kiss to his shoulder.

"For what? You know I'm just worried. Today was a rough day, Rose. It's okay. We still carry him with us, every day." The Doctor pulled her back and kissed her properly for the first time since that morning. He closed his eyes, puffed a warm breath onto her lips, and swallowed. He stole another. The first was for her, the second for him. The third, the one she returned with a grateful smile, was for them both, he surmised. "Should I have brought you along today? At least then we'd have been together in it."

"No. I'm fine, I promise."

He cupped her cheek and softened his wrinkled brow. "We'll figure this out, Rose. The TARDIS, your telepathic connection to her, all of it. Just try to put up a thin barrier. You can't carry her worries and yours on your shoulders. It'll crush you."

"I'll try,” Rose vowed in a soft croak as she worked at the fastenings to his trousers. He opened his mouth to speak, to protest, but she hushed him as she massaged his hip. "Please?" Rose cooed into his jaw, sweeping her soft lips past his ear.

He unwittingly rewarded this with a breathless groan. Her voice brushed his ears like a silk scarf in the wind. He chased after it, bringing her in closer. The urge to make the more responsible choice of heading downstairs to fix something for her to eat waned with each hot breath and kiss on his neck. Without her being there to support him, the Doctor's difficult task of dismantling the dimension cannon was that much harder. Being with Rose spoiled him. After only a few hours he'd missed her, missed losing himself in her warmth wrapped around him, her sizzling trail of kisses down his collarbone and chest. He needed her, and of course she could feel it, betraying his attempts at soothing her by digging into her hip while they were cuddling earlier.

Her cheeks were still damp, and the bit of moonlight peeking into the covers made her eyes glisten. The Doctor swallowed a rock in his gullet and cupped Rose's chin in his palm, bringing it to his face so he could drink in a bit of confidence from her soft lips. She was still sniffling, her chest still quivering madly in its attempts to calm itself. Shallow breaths were broken up by hiccups, but she still licked his lips, still deepened the kiss. He yielded to her, letting her warmth glide onto his tongue. But the moment he felt her breath stutter he pulled back, releasing her lip with a squeak.

"Rose," he pleaded softly. "I can't stand to see you like this."

"Just stay with me," she whispered. As if there was anywhere else in the universe he'd rather be than right there, heart racing in his chest to reach hers.

The Doctor had taken to asking her what he could do to make it better when she looked like this. Moving mountains would be a simple task compared to making this situation better. Rose hummed at him as she raked neat rows up his spine, digging gingerly into his skin as if it was sand beneath her fingers. Rose was the one who could bend the universe to her will, it didn't matter that she'd always been human. All he could do was at least try to be strong for her sake.

"Make love to me," she commanded.

"Will you eat after?"

The words tasted awfully bitter rolling off his tongue when a small part of him wanted to serenade Rose, tell her how ravishing she was despite how ragged she'd run herself worrying. He wanted to take this slowly and treat Rose properly. But he couldn't bring himself to, not with her gasping breaths every few heartbeats ripping into his chest and tugging at his heartstrings.

"Yes," Rose hissed.

She might not have been fully paying attention, but it'd have to do. It might be good for the both of them to unwind in the comforting warmth of one another, the Doctor thought. He clung to every inch of Rose's skin he could reach, feeling like it had been baked so gently under her covers while she waited for him to come home to her. She could thaw the stinging cold from outside right off him, could melt him with a hot breath wafting right into his ear. His head fell into the mattress when she shifted her thigh just a few inches. He was certain he sighed or groaned her name. Oh, and he'd thought her skin alone was so soothingly warm. He wanted nothing more in that instant to just lose himself in Rose. She could make him forget everything with a simple touch.

And she did. "Just you and me, right Doctor?"

It didn't matter in the end what Rose might have dreamed of. These words were always just for him. He'd earned them, and she knew it. She always knew when he needed them. Of course she'd felt his hands jittery with anxiety despite his best attempts at hiding it while gently kneading her breast between his fingers. He told the pair of sore doe eyes that he loved them, loved her. It was all he could offer her, with words at least. She gave him a gentle smile that spread across her balmy cheeks as she shook her head at the condom packet he reached for. That was what the Doctor wanted to be strong for, because Rose wouldn't give up on him. Even when she was at her most vulnerable she still wouldn't relinquish their little dream, the one that gave him the most hope at the end of the day.

"Doctor," Rose spoke against his lips and hooked her legs around his hips, dragging them down. Her next words came between kisses. "Missed you. I need you."

She'd already spent the day alone, he didn't make her wait any longer. He let himself sink into her heat, his thin frame molding into hers where it could. Rose whimpered as their hips met. He wanted to say that everything around them and all their troubles simply faded away when he made love to Rose. If that was the case, she wouldn't still be sniffling and grappling at his back with a vice grip. He wouldn't be hiding his face in her hair. The air in the room might have been thin and chilled, but the tension was thick enough to be sliced clean through.

"How long are you going to stay with me?" the Doctor broke through their silence with this, that bit of security Rose had gotten him dependent on at times.

When he pulled back a little to see her eyes he knew he must have been properly knackered because they weren't that angry pink but shimmering gold. His mind was playing tricks on him. He took a deep breath, continuing the lazy rocking of his hips as he carded his fingers through her hair. When his eyes fluttered open the golden light was gone from her eyes, replaced with heavy lidded whiskey ones pleading for a kiss. He obliged as he pushed back her thighs, sighing as he sank into her deeper. She moaned her reply between hitched breaths. Forever. As long as that was still intact, the Doctor told himself not to worry. It was all they needed. He repeated the word back to her, spoken into her kiss-ripened lips, on her fingers entwined with his, and finally sighed just behind her ear as rocked them both into a gentle climax.

The Doctor praised himself for not giving in to sleep tugging at his itchy eyes and sore muscles. He had Rose rest in bed while he fixed them both a midnight snack, a little plate of grapes and crackers. He couldn't sleep until he'd seen her at least nibble at something. While he was hobbling around the kitchen, removed from the post coital bliss ripening their bedroom, his mind was clearer. Rose's worries were real. Her connection to the baby TARDIS was real. And so were those glowing eyes he'd spied so briefly in their lovemaking. They were as real as the hairs on his arms and neck standing up at the thought. He'd thought maybe he was too exhausted to see properly, or perhaps his inferior human vision was fooling him. But replaying the fresh memory felt so vivid, so real.

The Doctor resigned himself to revisiting the issue in the morning after Rose had gotten some sleep. He slid into bed, propping himself up against the headboard before setting their snack tray in his lap. He picked up a cracker to offer to a resting Rose buried in the duvets next to him. But when he peeled them back, he didn't find his naked wife in bed. It was empty, save for himself. His leftover time senses _would_ kick in just then, shoving him back into the wall with the sharp pains in his skull that came with them. He didn't need to be told twice. The Doctor flew back downstairs, nearly tumbling down them like a weed in the wind.

He hadn't made it all the way down when an eerily familiar glow leaked out into the dark hallway from the living room. No amount of deep breathing could calm the nerves accompanying a violent shiver down his spine as he stumbled towards it. Even a respiratory bypass wouldn't help him in this one. Two hearts would still be racing just as madly one was.

The impossible had a way of creeping up on them, particularly Rose. They'd never be free of it. Seeing Bad Wolf again should have been impossible. But there she was as he made his way into the living room, staring him in the face, her desperate eyes boring into him. She sucked the air from his lungs as he fellto the floor. That was twice she left him breathless and wiped him off his feet. Bad Wolf was a better definition for a siren than the real ones, so radiant and beautiful but incredibly deadly.

"We can go through." she pulled him back to the present with her hauntingly vacant tone.

"Go through _what_? Rose, what happened?"

She was holding the TARDIS coral in her hands, cradling it as a mother would her newborn child. The carpet at her feet was soaking wet from the tank water spilling from between Rose's fingers.

"Come with me. It's important. We've got to go."

"Rose," the Doctor pleaded.

He dug his nails into his palms and forced quaking but deep breaths, fighting his own body as he strode clear across the room to get to her. His every instinct was telling him to back off. He couldn't save her from the Bad Wolf this time without killing himself. Then they'd both be gone. But he still approached her, his human instincts winning over his dormant Time Lord ones. That was his wife, his love, his Rose, no matter what state she was in.

"Please come with me. Forever, remember?"

His lip fell out in a pout all on its own. "Rose, that's not... come on. Try to fight back. You can't do this. It'll kill you."

"But I can." She held up the baby TARDIS and smiled. "We can. She's going to show us the way back to him. So come with me,"

He growled, " _Where_ , Rose?"

"Through the Void."

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is for the [Readers' Choice Special](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/124696324075/ive-said-it-before-and-ill-say-it-again-my). Reader selections can be found [here](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/126256752265/readers-choice-selections).
> 
> More than likely this fic will be 5 chapters or less. I've got it all plotted out, but I'm still uncertain about flow. 
> 
> I’d like to thank everyone who entered, and the ten who made their excellent selections!
> 
> I'm test driving a new content warning system, which will not apply to every fic I write, because there are too many. But it does with this one. Note that most will not need to check this, and it does contain major spoilers to this story. But if you do have any concerns, they're addressed [here](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/contentconcerns).

 

Exhilaration. He couldn't place the word immediately. The Doctor was one to forget a good many things. He'd lost whole years, priorities, his own foot if it wasn't attached at the ankle. But there were a few things he never forgot. Letting his hearts race ahead of him like a dog chasing the wind was a sensation he thought he'd never let go of until he lost them. He felt traitorous for even considering it, as though he'd forgotten the name of a star in the sky. He knew all of them. Except one burnt out for a while. It had never been reserved for _her_ , that one star. All the same, without her it just didn't have the fire it needed. She helped bring back the stars once. And now the one, one little star he drew up in his mind, lit up like one of her Christmas trees when he saw her across Poosh's Memorial Plaza.

No matter that she wouldn't run to him this time. He could do the running, could run clear across the universe. Cliche, perhaps. But this made twice that she'd done so for him. He forgave her for standing stock still before the Memorial fountain, with mist clinging to Poosh's blanket of blue-gray dust over her clothes and hair. There was no wind to fight his unruly hair, but he kicked up a cloud of dust in his wake. He longed for Earth's gravity in that moment. Thought it pulled his feet back down, he'd spent so many years learning to fight it. Poosh wanted to send him flying when he leapt with excitement.

"Rose!" the Doctor nearly toppled over as he worked to plant his feet to the ground. "Rose, are you - "

The Doctor's hearts kept beating at a breakneck speed even after he slowed down. No wonder humans ran. He had the ability to control every breath, to push himself farther than any of them could. But then he'd miss his blood rushing to his ears, his hearts pounding at his chest, the grin spreading across his face before he even knew it was there. Doubt still pushed him back a little as he ran. His mind had become something of a torture chamber as of late. He couldn't trust himself. But he could trust the sight before him, and he could trust touch. Rose's body went slack when he pulled her into a hug. She wriggled out of his arms and narrowed her eyes at him. Disbelief? No. This was confusion. She had that same look in her eyes as when she first met him.

"It's you, isn't it?" Rose asked in an eerily flat tone. Her hand hung in the air in front of his face like a butterfly before it landed on a flower. It did land after a moment, right on his cheek. And he leaned into it, biting back a croaked murmur of her name. The moment he did she pulled back again. But then a bit of awe tucked her lip into her cheek and her hand was back, this time to roam his face. Her fingers climbed up his jaw and combed their way through his unruly weeds. He couldn't help but lean in and shut his eyes, remembering how it made him ache when she massaged his scalp. But her touches were light, mapping his features as if she was seeing them for the first time. "You're him."

"Him? Rose, are you all right? Where's - " What would he call a clone of himself? They'd never had a chance to really discuss it before he... left. "the Doctor? Where's the Doctor, Rose?"

Only once in a blue moon had the Doctor ever earned a smile so serene from Rose. But it wasn't vacant as he previously thought. Just... different. Not Rose, not quite. If she really had been through the Void she shouldn't be thinking straight, if even at all. Then again, Cybermen. Cybermen had essentially crossed through the Void more or less unharmed. At a very basic level the Cybermen crossing over were derived of humans and human brains. Still, it shouldn't have been possible. Oh but Rose. Rose was the absolute queen of conquering the impossible! Rose laughed at the notion that anything might be impossible. If she wanted something she was going to find a way to get it.

No matter how it happened, Rose was here. His mind couldn't be playing tricks _that_ severe on him. He refused to believe the shiver driving down his spine after her touch came from nowhere. Her voice, smoother than ice cream and warmer than a fresh cup of tea wafted into his ears and his consciousness the same way it always had. With nobody to look after in the long hours between trips, and his desire to travel waning by the day, the Doctor's busy yet unoccupied mind had taken to making a fool of him. This wasn't his mind playing tricks, though. Of this he was certain, more certain than he was of all the settings on his sonic screwdriver. Anyone could copy Rose's favorite shampoo and pull off her wardrobe. There was something no being in the universe could ever replicate, and that was her heartbeat, Rose Tyler's brilliant melody. Never had a solo sounded so much like a symphony, delicate as a violin's plucked strings yet stronger than the rolling timpani. If ever the Doctor delighted in having a song stuck in his head it was that one. Remembering that brilliant song, their duet, is what kept him going.

Rose canted her head to the side. "Is that a trick question? Where's the Doctor? That's you, isn't it? You silly boy." Her confusion turning to a smile again, this one full of glee. It was the brightest sight on this abysmal, dusty old moon. She brought her hand to his face again and stroked his cheek before pecking his lips. He stiffened up and gasped. The Void and time itself had done nothing to her soft lips. If their hearts were playing a song, she was the conductor, having them pick up speed to a lively jaunt. "You're _beautiful_! Look at you! All skin, and spikes and stripes! And I thought your mind was a wonder. Aww, my Thief. I always knew you had to be devilishly handsome."

"Thief."

His hearts came to a standstill for a few moments, and he damned them for not cooperating as he fought to maintain control. Thief. Why would Rose call him Thief? More importantly, why was she acting as though she'd never seen him before, yet knew him? Why? She'd been terrified when she was reaching out to him telepathically. She'd managed to tap into his psychic paper, he thought as he crumpled his pocket in his palm nervously. Rose didn't do that. She couldn't, not with low level telepathy that humans possessed.. It didn't matter what it took to cross through the Void. Telepathy simply wasn't possible on that level. Unless... Could this day be one for a particular set of circumstances to align themselves and allow for the impossible to occur? That was the universe, wasn't it? A random assortment of particularly peculiar sets of circumstances that allowed for certain events to occur.

"If I'm a Thief, what have I stolen?" he played along.

Her expression and shoulders fell in defeat, as if he'd said something wrong. "You don't recog -"

"Doctor! That's not Rose! We need to get back to the TARDIS!"

Well there was an answer to one question. The Doctor's other half came crashing to the dusty ground, writhing as his chest heaved sucking down lungfuls of air. This one he had no doubts about, feeling his consciousness tickling the edge of the Doctor's. There was no doubt about it, he was definitely human. Lungs were ridiculously inefficient when it came to breathing. But the Doctor had been so distracted by seeing his human doppelganger again that he nearly forgot the more pressing matter at hand. _"That's not Rose."_ The words echoed in his mind and chilled him to the bone. Rose felt so familiar, with the same warm smile. Just being near her had him thinking clearer by the second, or so he thought.

"Where's Rose?" the Doctor barked, hauling his other half off the ground.

His other stood up and coughed as a little cloud of dust settled at his feet. "She's in the TARDIS." He quickly added to this before anyone could speak. "Well," he ran his hand through his hair. A bit lackluster compared to the Doctor's own. "Being accurate, the TARDIS is in her. Both are true. Anyway. We need to get to the TARDIS! Well. The Rose that's in the TARDIS, that one." He cleared his throat. "And I need your coat."

The Doctor hugged his coat to his chest and pulled his head back in a snort, hooding his eyes with furrowed brows. "What for?"

"Rose is naked."

It was distinctly possible that the Doctor really wasn't in his right mind. He pulled his coat off, but before he could throw it on Rose's shoulders, his other grabbed it and wrapped Rose up in it.

"What was she... why was she naked?" the Doctor asked, his voice rising to just shy of a shout.

Luckily Poosh's Memorial Plaza was relatively empty this time of day. At least he couldn't technically be called indecent for seeing Rose's... nakedness. He hadn't really been _looking_. Though he did feel a strain in his trousers just thinking about it. He had missed out. _Wrong time for this!_ The Doctor reprimanded himself. Later. Much later. After this was sorted.

The Doctor's other other tugged on his ear and cleared his throat. "Well." He paused and narrowed his eyes at the Doctor before raising his voice as well. "Is that really the question you want to be asking me right now? I just told you that's not Rose and you're worried about why she was naked? Think for a moment! Actually, don't. Don't. Best not."

"Well, she's..."

He was wearing pants. Just pants, with socks. That might answer one question, at least. "My wife. And the other part of her is in the TARDIS!"

The human TARDIS in front of them chimed in, "And perfectly safe."

The Doctor approached her while fumbling for his specs. But they were in his coat pocket. He reached forward, shutting his eyes briefly as his wrist brushed her naked breast to fish in his pocket. They weren't strictly necessary, his specs. Everyone knew it. But they helped him think. He pushed them up his nose and narrowed his eyes at Rose, humming as he rubbed his chin. _One insane improbability at a time_ , he told himself. Though this was one he could get behind. He could grasp the idea of the TARDIS matrix clinging to Rose's mind. Or was it the other way around? He knew one fact for certain, Rose couldn't have managed on her own. And if she _didn't_ manage on her own, then the Doctor considered the possibility that she didn't cross through the Void on her own either.

"Ooooh, would you quit thinking? We've got to go!" His other shouted, yanking at both their hands. He didn't wait for the Doctor to ask before adding, "The TARDIS' doors are locked. If she takes off -"

"We'll be stranded, and they'll be separated."

Running got helped clear a few lanes of traffic in the Doctor's busy mind, enough to help him come to an important realization.

"Wait. Rose'd mind is just that, a mind, meant to pilot a human not a TARDIS. She can't possibly pilot the TARDIS by herself!"

The three of them dashed down Poosh's streets, ignoring the prying eyes of passersby as the Doctor led the way back to the TARDIS. Being a spectacle for the inhabitants of the universe was a big part of the Doctor's life. As usual, there was no time to dwell on the fact that he was running alongside himself (himself in just pants and socks, barely able to keep up) with a naked Rose wrapped up in his coat between them. He might never get used to the idea that there was a copy of himself running around anyway. It was much more convenient when the Void was between them. Here, now. That's what could easily be sorted out. Get to the TARDIS. The blue box one, rather. There were two now. Two TARDISes, two Roses. A thought to really ponder later, in private.

"She's not by herself. Not strictly speaking."

A pit was settling in the Doctor's throat at this thought when he heard the sound that brought the three of them to a halt. Once again, no time whatsoever to dwell on it. Was this why the past several months had felt like enduring a lifetime of walking the universe alone? Were those long nights meant to slowly build up to this one, when all the train tracks of timelines intersected so intricately? He'd had fever dreams in which Rose had found her way back to him again, defeating all the odds. But none of them involved Rose's mind piloting the TARDIS, certainly not watching it dematerialize before his very eyes. Possible and impossible were mere constructs in the Doctor's mind at this point. They swirled together like milk in tea until blended. They were happening at once, now inseparable. He had no choice to drink them in together as he did the cold moon air.

"No!" Both Doctors chorused.

He still reached out for it, crashing onto the dusty square patch of ground the TARDIS had occupied. In the blink of an eye she was gone. Part of her was gone at least. The other part was frozen behind him, eyes trained on that same spot, but eerily lifeless. And it was no wonder. The TARDIS was meant to "see" via a telepathic field rather than with eyes. She was meant to perceive rather than see. Seeing was coupled with a harsher reality. Both Doctors felt the loss of the TARDIS, but she must have been feeling it keenly. Lady Cassandra's psychograft was child's play compared to being put into a flesh body and watching her "corporeal" one disappear before her eyes. Whether it was her choice didn't matter in the end, because it couldn't have been easy. She could barely manage to stand on two legs.

The Doctor's other pulled him up off the ground and helped dust him off. They exchange quick glances, each looking at the human TARDIS. She might have had so much to say. This was an entirely new experience for her. Her body nearby was an anchor, a safety net. It was ripped away, leaving her in a momentary state of shock. Her heartbeat wasn't much the song it had been only a minute ago. It sounded a bit more like a ping pong ball bouncing ever faster. There was one piece left, the bit of coral that he'd entrusted Rose and his other to raise on their own. He hadn't noticed she was holding it earlier. Clutching it for dear life, rather. Then again, he hadn't noticed she was standing before him naked, bare skin as he'd brought her into his arms for a hug. _Later!_ The human TARDIS brought this glowing piece of home to her chest and shut her eyes. He watched her steel herself. A good part of the pure, innate Rose was still present, giving his disembodied time ship a bit of strength. He hoped that the one flying through the Vortex was doing to same for Rose's consciousness.

This was the point where Rose would ask what they were to do. But she was off - the Doctor looked up - up there. Out there, somewhere. She was still probably wondering what to do. Between the three of them remaining on Poosh they knew what they had to do. For once it didn't need to be discussed. It was simple, really. Without Bad Wolf, a TARDIS engine, and any inkling as to where Rose was, they had to get the TARDIS matrix back in the TARDIS, and Rose's consciousness returned to her body.

The Doctor straightened up and cleared his throat as he brushed himself off. He removed his specs and shoved them in his suit jacket pocket. "Easy. We can fix this! No problem!"

"This body might need, what was it humans call it?" the human TARDIS interjected. But before she could finish, her legs wobbled and her face paled. Both Doctors rushed up to catch her before she fell to the ground. They helped her over to a closed storefront where she could lean up against the wall. "Rest! That's the word," she mumbled from the ground after his other adjusted the coat to cover her legs.

"Good idea! You've been through a lot tonight. Maybe a lie down. There's no point in being hasty, Rose is already..." the Doctor started rattling off.

Gone. He dug his fingers in his palm and growled. Today was going to be the day that word stopped being tied so tightly to Rose Tyler. If she could find a way to cross through the Void - and he would figure out just how she managed - he could pluck her from clear across the universe to bring her back into his arms, at least once.

"I'd like to say we should hurry," the human TARDIS panted and held up her arms like they were attached to strings. "I'm not meant to subsist in one of these. I can keep a human alive for a few hours, I think? I can work these parts, I suppose. But I don't know what to do with the smaller humans."

Both Doctors' heads whipped back and forth, first to each other, and then at Rose's body on the ground. "Smaller humans?" his other asked tentatively.

"Yes. Rose is incubating one. That's normally call for celebration, isn't it? It explains why I find myself so tired. A shame. There's so much I want to do." Her nonchalance was so much like the TARDIS, if he did say so. He couldn't decide who the blink that followed belonged to.

His other knelt down on the ground, lip turned to a pout as he set his hands to her knees. "Rose is pregnant? You're certain?" His hand crept up to her stomach but he immediately jerked it back. "Can you keep the baby safe? The baby _is_ alive, right?"

Her hand fell to her stomach and she smiled at them both. They watched her look down into the coat and pop her head back up with a whole new curious smile peaking through. When she bit her lip, that was Rose. It had to be. All the same, her arms disappeared from the sleeves and wriggled down to her belly in his coat.

"For a while. If we're going to bring _my_ body back I'm going to need to give Rose's a rest."

The Doctor helped his other up from kneeling, and he in turn assisted the human TARDIS in standing up. Typical. Even in the strangest of circumstances they still found themselves looking for a place to sleep for a few hours in the middle of an adventure. He just wished he could take Rose to the TARDIS where there were real beds suitable for a pregnant woman rather than the cheap slabs found on Poosh.

As if he didn't already have enough questions racing through his mind. This revelation brought up a new set, even though it made sense in a strange way. If he accepted Rose's pregnancy as fact, it meant that her hormones must be going haywire. The piece of TARDIS coral he gave to them had grown, and was only just barely big enough to be capable of tapping into the Time Vortex. But it didn't have a hull, nothing to shield his other and Rose from the Void.

“If I tell you it was Bad Wolf, will you come sit down for a few minutes so she can rest? She can't relax with you pacing like that,” his other chided from the hotel bed. Rose's body was occupied by the TARDIS matrix, but this didn't seem to bother him in the slightest where snuggling was concerned.

“How can _you_ relax, with her like _that_?” the Doctor shot back.

“You think this is easy for me, finding out we're starting a family, like this? It wasn't supposed to be like this. But she couldn't... she can't move on until she knows you're okay, no matter what I say. Just come sit down and hold her hand. You'll feel better. I've been in your head. Trust me.”

It was difficult to argue that. The Doctor tentatively approached the bed. He saw himself, cuddled up to Rose as he ought to be, dropping little kisses to her neck and sighing as he clutched her stomach. But it wasn't the Doctor that was married to Rose, it was his other. His other's hands betrayed him with their trembling. He'd been so concerned with Rose that he hadn't considered the fact that his other half had come over through the Void as well, probably all the while fretting over her safety before his own. His other didn't have any more answers than he did, but he'd at least seen it all. The Doctor would have been a frightful mess, if he wasn't already. He couldn't offer his other any comfort. But he could at least do as he bid, and sat down on the bed next to Rose.

“Bad Wolf,” the Doctor parroted from earlier. “Just like the myths,” he whispered as he took Rose's hand and held her limp arm in his lap. Her inhabitant was resting as she always had, with a constant dull hum, except it was mixed with snores and wheezes. “Mi'en Kalarash, one of the Great Old Ones. Do you remember the stories?” he asked his other, who nodded against Rose's blonde down. “Used to try and scare us with them, bedtime stories. Even at the academy, a constant reminder, wasn't it?” His voice lowered and he pouted a bit playfully in preparation for his next words, waggling his finger in the air. “Scare us out of tampering with the Void by giving us nightmares about the malevolent blue fire that shred any souls brazen enough to venture into his abode.”

His other shuddered and took a deep breath. “He's not a myth. _Wasn't_ a myth.”

The Doctor stroked Rose's cheek and gave in, resolving to rest next to her for a few minutes. His other remained silent as he combed his fingers through her hair. “So what do we call you, misguided and benevolent Bad Wolf?”

“A miracle.”

She was that. That was a good word. He'd said it, he believed in her. He always had, always will. The Doctor curled up to her, making her the middle of a sandwich on the creaky hotel bed. He could hear his other's shallow breaths and single heart picking up speed. Neither of them could deny one another the comforts Rose brought, even if she wasn't rightly herself. The Doctor laced his fingers with hers and brought it to his chest. She was a miracle, and it had been so long since he'd believed in one, if he ever had before. No matter what happened, Rose was here, on this side. For a little while, until this was sorted, nothing else mattered.

  


 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is for the [Readers' Choice Special](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/124696324075/ive-said-it-before-and-ill-say-it-again-my). Reader selections can be found [here](http://lunaseemoony.tumblr.com/post/126256752265/readers-choice-selections).
> 
> I’d like to thank everyone who entered, and the ten who made their excellent selections!

It’s a well known fact among the higher species, and even some lower ones, that Time Lords are flagrantly impolite creatures. The Doctor is no exception to this paradigm. He might be among the worst, come to think of it. It’s one of his defining traits; he’s said so himself. At times some have found it charming while others maligned him for it. Most of the time I don’t mind. His penchant for being dreadfully inconsiderate is partly how we came to be together, my Thief and I. I can’t rightly blame him for not stopping to think of me. Why should he? While my Thief has never disregarded my sentience he hasn’t always been kind, hasn’t always thought of me as a being with my own motives, as a being capable of love, despite our shared and unparalleled affections.

I’d thought that he understood my feelings for her, that is until I took them back to that parallel universe one last time at his bidding. After spending so many years with this man I’ve come to understand his motives (even if he won’t bother to learn mine), which is why I didn’t fight him. But I wanted to. Desperately. He fed my human Doctor and my Bad Wolf excuses, and all the while the human Doctor and himself felt the lie festering between their consciousnesses. I felt it. Their actions were noble and rooted in love. All the same, they acted on their own wishes, and part of my Bad Wolf’s. But the other part of her, and all of me, felt that it was wrong. There was another way, a way that didn’t involve me having to give her and a piece of myself up.

Rose Tyler and I formed a bond when she was younger, one that I thought could never be severed despite being well aware of the potential progressions of her time line. She looked into my heart and saw that we shared the overwhelming need to keep our Time Lord safe. She recognized my desire to stay alive. Rose Tyler offered me a kindness that even my precious Thief had never shown me. She truly respected my feelings, an entirely new sensation for me. Not only that, but she blindly trusted me without knowing the risks. I found her brazenness intoxicating, and wound up nearly killing her. But she’s been etched in my memory banks as the girl who looked time right in the eye and didn’t blink. My Thief, in his quiet thoughts, considered her a goddess, and I’ve come to understand why. Though she doesn’t remember it, our bond born of mutual respect and kindness survived.

It made severing the connection that much harder. Only a small part of it survived in the coral that my Thief gave her. As one might expect, they nurtured that piece of coral as they might one of their offspring. With each passing day it grew just a little bigger, just a little stronger, _just enough_. My much younger Thief - prior to his first regeneration - found me well after I was fully grown, so there were parts of me that even he had yet to understand. I already had a telepathic field. Yes it was severely diminished in that little piece of coral. But as they brought it to life, they brought that telepathic field to life along with it. It grew stronger than the human Doctor would have been aware of. It latched onto the first familiar entity it came into contact with. Rose Tyler. She was warm, caring, and fiercely protective. Just as she helped the human Doctor nurture their baby TARDIS, its telepathic field brought her latent abilities to life. I felt the pain of her loss as she tapped into my worries for the Time Lord on the other side of the Void.

She wanted to return to him, not at the expense of the vows to her husband but to see that the Time Lord he was born from was okay. Rose Tyler couldn’t bear the thought that her happiness came at the expense of his. The human Doctor felt his misery and said nothing of it, desperate to see the other’s wishes come true in their new life. When one of those wishes began to grow in Rose’s womb her hormones provided a surge in her telepathic abilities. We fed off of each other. We realized almost simultaneously that if we wanted to be so bold as to defy the carefully crafted laws of time and space that we had a short window of time in which to do it.

Everything came together at once, like it was meant to be. That little piece of TARDIS coral was just strong enough to assist Rose, but just small enough to rejoin my consciousness when they crossed through to the other side. If Rose was any further along in her pregnancy the journey would not have been safe for her offspring. If she’d known about it, I can’t be certain if she’d want to cross over. I took a great risk. And now that I’ve seen her memories and felt acutely what she called heartache I can know that I made the right choice. I know that this human who shared so much tenderness with me - a machine - should never feel that sort of pain again if I can help it. And I can. 

I didn’t act entirely unselfishly. However, gaining a corporeal form complete with a set of senses is a memory that will be cherished for ages. A hand brushing my console isn’t remotely the same as two pairs of arms and legs wrapped around me. One of them buried his face in Rose’s blonde hair and dampened it with his tears. He had the ability to control his breathing and his heart rate but he disregarded them both, or perhaps forgot. He clutched her head to his lips and took in her scent with heaping breaths as he listened to the other one explain how we managed to find him. And though I missed having the human one in my telepathic field I didn’t need it to know what he was thinking. His hand made laps around Rose’s stomach, circling her womb as though it could protect his newly discovered offspring from harm. Nervous energy and unspoken worries filled the little room.

I couldn’t predict the Void’s effects on the merging of our telepathic fields causing this incident. If my poor human Doctor had known what to do before Rose Tyler became Bad Wolf he might have stopped us. His mind was encased in a human body but his memories of dealings with the Void and its inhabitant were well intact. He promised to follow her to the ends of the universe, and he made good on his word. He held her hand, and the pair of them followed me blind through the deafening darkness. When they encountered the Mi'en Kalarash he told her not to look in its fiery blue eyes and to not let it see her fear. Even the great Bad Wolf trembled at the sight of him. But it didn’t stop her.

“What.”

“I fainted.”

The Oncoming Storm welled up and made his hands quake. “You left her by herself?”

“No. Well. She didn’t leave me by myself. That’d be more accurate I think.” There was a long pause. All I could think about was warm breath on Rose’s neck and cool puffs into her hair. Hands clutched her tighter. “I woke up on this side.”

“That’s when she reached out to me. Oh Rose.” I felt his lip quiver against her forehead, sending a shiver down her spine. He brushed her hair back with his cool fingers. “You must have been terrified, Rose. No wonder you felt so lost.” I heard him swallow hard. “How could you let her do this? Do you know what you could have done? I know you remember. That same warning still applies! You could have destroyed both worlds. The Void’s not meant to be passed through like a channel!”

“We’re here now. What are you going to do?”

The bed dipped as he moved to get up. He stomped across the floor away from it. “I’m going to find her some proper clothes and figure out how to get my TARDIS back.”

The door slammed.

“Is he cross with me?”

The human one shot up. “You were asleep.”

“Your fighting woke me up. Is he though? Is he cross with me?”

He avoided my eye contact. That was an answer in itself. “You know how he is. He just needs to think.”

“Alone?”

I moved towards the door and wheeled around to look at the human one. “You always get angry. You never trust me, even though I always take you where you need to go. Just _once_ , I wish you’d trust me!”

“I followed her here didn’t I?”

I huffed, which contributed little to the conversation but made me feel better. This endeavor was an exorcise in understanding human body language, something that isn’t easily grasped from a TARDIS.

“Not happily.”

“Wait, where are you going? What, are you cross too?” He rolled his head and sighed. “Oh come on.”

He didn’t chase after me. Maybe he also knew that the other one wasn’t far. Everyone was stressed. I noted that carrying around tension was not as pleasant a sensation as cuddling on the bed. Not in the slightest. Perhaps the human one knew the other shouldn’t have been alone. It certainly seemed that way. I found him around the corner from the hotel leaning up against a wall, eyes cast up at the stars.

“Shops are closed,” he hummed.

“You weren’t really looking for clothes.”

“Well if they’d been open.” Before he could say anything else I approached him and wrapped him up in a hug. “Oh, I… ah… What are you…?”

“This is what she does when she’s worried about you, isn’t it? To comfort you?” He swallowed hard in place of answering. He looked away as if the dark alleyway could provide him with all the answers. “Please don’t be cross with me. I don’t like a sad pilot. You were miserable, and I could do something about it. So I did.”

He pulled back and furrowed his brow at me. “You could have gotten yourselves - or us - killed. Facing down Great Old Ones, crossing the Void, this mess. It’s reckless.”

“You should talk,” I fought back, rubbing his shoulders and eliciting quiet sighs. “We were worried about you.”

“I was fine. I’m always fine. You know that.”

I poked his chest. “Liar. I’ve been in your head, stupid boy.”

“How is this better, hmm?” His lip quivered and he pointed back towards the hotel. His eyes glistened. I felt Rose’s heart pounding harder. “He’s got a wife, and a baby on the way. That’s just perfect, would’ve been if you’d left well enough alone. The three of them, humans with human hearts and a human lifespan. Safe. I liked it that way.”

Who did he see when he looked in Rose’s eyes? I still don’t know to this day. I wasn’t an expert in sight but if I had to hazard a guess I’d say there was pain in his dark, ancient eyes. At least to Rose they were ancient. To me they were a pup’s, my little brother’s. Still, I’d never forget that look, as if he was looking for _her_ within. For a Time Lord he had a knack for adopting human habits. In this case it was saying one thing and meaning something else entirely. My Thief felt pain and longing. And yet he still wanted to push her away.

“Stop lying. It’s me behind her face, remember? I _know_ you. I brought her back to you, Thief. I thought you’d be pleased. She’s safe. Relatively. We just need to put our consciousnesses back where they belong, and then everything will be fine. I know what I’m doing. Don’t I always?”

“They’ll be stuck on this side.”

I understood in that moment why humans found grinning to be so pleasant. “Exactly! Isn’t that great?”

“You would say that.” I leaned in as his hand cupped her cheek and he offered a sympathetic smile. “I’ve got no place with them, old girl.”

I looked down and dropped a hand to Rose’s stomach. “Is that what you plan on telling this child? Her child?”

He disengaged himself and took a few steps away. There were countless times when I, as his TARDIS, wanted to reprimand him for running. All I could do was steer him in the right direction. He’d call it fighting him. This was my one chance to reason with him on his level. It was so important. If only he’d known.

“You keep pushing everyone away and feeling sorry for yourself because you outlive them all. But Rose Tyler lives on through her legacy, right here.” Tears began to trickle from his eyes. His hand reached out but wavered. I couldn’t give him permission to greet the child like Rose Tyler could. Her womb wasn’t his to touch. “It’s more than the simple fact that their offspring will outlive them. So much more.” I reached up for his face and brought it down to my level, cupping his chiseled jaw in Rose’s hands. “All you need to do is stop fighting, stop running, and open yourself up to them. To her.”

“You didn’t ask if that’s what I wanted. What she wants,” he sniffed and looked up to the stars as if they could offer him strength.

“But it is though. We both know it. I’ve been in her head, and she loves you so much. Not just _him_ , but _you_. She hates the thought of you alone. She knows… she feels as though she has little to offer you. But she wants to give you what she has so you won’t be alone, even if just for a little while. Oh don’t cry, my Thief. That was supposed to make you stop crying!” I brought a kiss to his forehead and wiped his cool tears away. “Now put these tears away. I need your help getting my body and your Rose back. She’ll want a big smile from you when she sees you properly again.”

He sniffed a deep breath and stood up tall like the proud Time Lord I knew him to be. “Right! Work to do! It’s well past time to set things straight!”

“Atta boy, there’s my Time Lord.”

The boys didn’t like my plan at all. But we were left with no alternative, and they were all too aware of this fact. Getting my proper body back was a simple matter. All I had to do was reach out to Rose via telepathy, knowing that she wasn’t too far off, and coach her in piloting my body back to Poosh. Doing that on my own required a great deal of physical exertion, potentially beyond the capabilities of a human body. The Doctor hoped that by turning up the acoustic accelerators on his sonic screwdriver he could send my signal farther and lessen the load. With the boys flanking me we walked to the edge of Poosh’s mining colony out in the open where it would be easier for Rose to land. Technically she’d flown before, as Bad Wolf. I have to believe that she found a way to tap into my memories of it from the memory banks, given how well she managed in the end. In order to accomplish this task we all had to believe in the impossible, because she’d surpassed it before.

“There we go, that’s my girl. Gently. Take it slow now, don’t be afraid. I’ve got you,” I coached her.

“She’s got to move a bit faster, your pulse is…”

That was about all that Rose’s body could take. The last thing I could recall was fainting. For a brief moment Rose’s mind and my consciousness once again occupied the same space. My body made a crash landing while hers fell limp in her husband’s arms. I’d intended for us to make a clean switch. It was more life threatening for us to be occupying the same space than it was to cross the Void. After having been switched for a few hours a myriad of thoughts and emotions got jumbled up, and organizing them all was not as simple as it ought to be. Pain coursed through us, and I was acutely aware of Rose’s fading pulse. What set us straight was the presence of a second pulse. It was faint and weak, but this was of no consequence to the Bad Wolf’s drive to protect her young. If she wasn’t aware of it before, she was in that moment. Two time lines were inexorably tied, one nestled safely in the other until it was ready to break out on its own. Her child reached out to her and helped set us straight.

She was carried inside, but they were too hesitant to fly without knowing she was okay. The boys acted in concert as they flew about my infirmary, communicating only in silence. She was perfectly fine and they both knew it but both desperately craved the peace of mind. She was weakened by the journey and the strains I put on her during the swap. They gave her medicine for the headache she would wake up with and put her on fluids while she rested. She would be starving when she awoke but save for that she was perfectly fine. They paced about the room waiting for her to wake up and argued over whether to wait to do an ultrasound. Of course they both gave in to their curiosity, vowing to split the blame when Rose found out. They forgot it all at the sight of her child. The previously silent infirmary was filled with the sounds of two men reduced to a mix of sniffling and swallowed whimpers. Mighty as they were, they were easily broken down at the sight of the blossoming life before them. They were hopelessly in love, despite scarcely knowing the tiny creature hidden in Rose’s womb.

“The baby’s like you then, you realize.”

“Yeah,” the other croaked.

“That all right?”

Again, he croaked something of an affirmation.

“I should have… I should have realized much sooner. Not that it would have done any good. No pregnancy test would have worked, what with…”

“Gallifreyan DNA,” they chorused.

One took the other’s hand. “That makes him partly yours, you know.”

“You can’t really mean that after all this. Besides. I only complicate things. Next time we land I’ll have the TARDIS outfit you with a bedroom and a uh…” he scratched his head and cleared his throat, swallowing hard. “A nursery. And what makes you think it’s a boy? Could be a little girl. You don’t know.”

The human one laughed. “Well, I’ll tell you she’s not going to let you drop us off somewhere. So you’re stuck with us. And as long as we’re here, that child is going to love you. So you can love him,”

“Or her.”

“Or her, back, or be miserable. Your choice. Well. Not really. You’re already besotted, admit it. I know you. Practically the same mind, and all.”

They both looked back at the object of their affection and its mother sleeping peacefully in the infirmary bed. They each took a hand and squeezed it until she stirred in her sleep, releasing her to rest.

“She promised it would just be the two of us. But I know she said it for my sake, because I hated not being enough for her.” His eyes were fixed on her and his voice was low, carried on sighs. “I realized that it wasn’t about me not being enough or not being you. Not after a while. Things changed after we left Norway. Slowly, sure. But things changed. She can’t love one of us and disregard the other. Rose knows we’re two people. But she can’t help it any more than we can help loving her. Loving only one means leaving the other alone. Spend enough time with Rose and you’ll learn to open up and _live_ , properly, not just running. That’ll last more than a lifetime, you stubborn git.”

Solemnly, the Time Lord sighed, “You’re sounding like Donna.”

“You need it. She won’t ask you for much. Just don’t shut her out like you want to.”

He didn’t answer to this. But the way he sat vigil at the side of her bed spoke to an agreement. I learned that day that where safety was concerned the boys had a penchant for arguing. But they couldn’t bring themselves to fight over her, only for her happiness. After all that she’d put herself through over the years and very recently for their sakes, after what she’d just put them through, they wanted nothing more than to see her smile. I didn’t need to be human to know it. That hopeful energy filled the room. They both turned to lying by her side. The human one fell asleep cradling her in his arms. So it was the Time Lord, the man she’d traveled so far to find, that she woke up to.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly and filled with tears at the sight of him. He was close, hand still clasping hers as though it was her lifeline. But he reclaimed it to cup her warm cheek and will her tears away.

“No no no no don’t cry,” he rushed out in a hushed voice. “Oh Rose, please don’t cry.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“That’s worse. Don’t, Rose. Okay?”

“I know it was stupid and dangerous, and you didn’t want…”

He kissed the remaining words away, and I wondered if what I’d said and what his other had said finally sank in. Either way he gave in, just a little, with a peck of his lips to hers. It was both a greeting and a plea to let it go. Rose pursed her lips and searched his eyes.

“Doctor…”

“I want you here. Well. Not here. There’s a lovely moon… a much _nicer_ one. Persephone. It’s got a lovely spa, and mountains with -”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Yes I know. And we don’t have to hike the mountains if you’re not up for it. But you can see -”

“And you’re not sending us away after.”

He rose up on the bed, supporting his head on his elbow. “I just said I want you here. Honest. The three of you.”

She found his free hand and kissed his knuckles while shaking her head. “The four of us, yeah? That all right?”

He grinned. Again, I didn’t need to see it. I could _feel_ it. Suddenly things began to feel right again. “Brilliant.”

 

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:- 

 

It took Rose a while before she was ready to talk about the nightmare-inducing journey that brought the three of them back together. She made certain they both knew that even if she was aware of the trauma it’d cause, she still would’ve done it in a heartbeat. In the end my faith in her was warranted and rewarded just as I was proud of my boys for helping her ride the worst of her nightmares. Despite them all, an air of peace fell over us all. Or at least as much as could be expected in the lifestyle that they lead. Several months later the three of them ushered Rose’s daughter Hope into the world. She captured the hearts of both my pilots in such a way that no other girl ever could. Rose was, by all appearances, perfectly okay with this. Though Hope had but one heart, her family saw to it that she truly lived in every moment. And two years after she was born, her sister followed suit with her _pair_ of hearts.

 


End file.
